Reasons Why I’m Juiceless

I remember the time I saw Porscha on the bus. I was already on the it and she was just getting on. Now, there were plenty of seats on the bus on this particular day, but she came and sat by me. She didn’t sit too close, but by no means was she too far away either. I guess you can say that it was at a distance. It was almost in a weirdo female logic kind of way, like she was saying “Hi”.

Unfortunately for me, by that point, I already knew who she was and some of the things that she’d done. So I sat there and minded my own business. As I did, she followed suit; by pretending to do something on her phone and never looking up. If I remember correctly, I ended up getting off before her. I know that I was headed to the rec. But anywho, I just couldn’t help but think “What if….”

I had had a crush on her for a good minute by that point, and I still do to this very day. Have yal ever looked back at a situation and thought of something very witty that you could’ve done? Well…here’s mine.

Imagine that I responded to her use of female logic. Imagine me getting up and moving directly next to her. Then I’d say something like “Excuse me, but I hope that you don’t mind if I sit here.” She would’ve probably responded by giggling at me and saying “Well…I don’t mind, but what made you choose that seat over all of the seats that you passed up (plus the seat that you were already sitting in)?” Then I would’ve responded by saying “Well…maybe if I’m lucky, then this will be my lucky seat. Hi, I’m Chris; but you can call me bae.” She responds “Oh really? What makes you say that?” And I’d say “Because I’m a stranger, I’ve been in what is deemed as being your personal space for 3 minutes, and our conversation has lasted this long.” I imagine her smiling super hard at this point and in her head, she’d probably be thinking “That was cute.” But she wouldn’t let herself tell me that, so she would have to come up with another response. Knowing females these days, she’d probably be like “Does everybody call you bae?” And I’d be like “No, because I’m not for everybody. Plus, not everybody knows me.” Then she’d follow that up with “Well what do the people that know you call you?” And I’d tell her Big Dude Making Big Moves. And she’d probably laugh and be like “I already know. I’ve asked about you around campus.”

Then for a split second, I’d pause. I’d pause, because I’d realize that she’s asked about me. She’s been “snooping” on me as I have on her! I already told yal that I knew her name. Then for a second, I’d start to think that maybe (just maybe) she’s as interested (or even close to as interested) in me as I am in her. And for that second, maybe I’d start thinking that this could really happen. But then…I’d probably snap back to reality. And…I’d remember that I just went on about my day.

This is the story of my life. These are the reasons why I’m juiceless. Read my last post to learn more about Porscha.


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