Since the Daily Post prompt is ” is “Awe” I think this post is quite fitting. It’s about the moment in time that I realized things wouldn’t workout with this young lady and I. After a few months I realized how I didn’t always “play” things the right way and…I essentially just sat back in awe.
But I can’t be too upset. I would notice whenever she walked in the room, but I didn’t acknowledge her as she did with me. I remember the time she ran to me as I walked in the room. She was so excited to see me and she let not only me, but everybody in the room know it. But I just couldn’t match her energy; I didn’t match her energy.
I didn’t catch her when she fell and even worse, I didn’t help her back to her feet. I didn’t walk her to her car whenever we were out late. I didn’t take full advantage of the “us” moments she tried to create. I didn’t grab her butt when she wanted me to. I didn’t hold her hand long enough. I didn’t hold HER long enough. Whenever she pushed away I just let her go. I didn’t pull her back in and I didn’t resist.
I didn’t give her my jacket when she was cold. And even worse, I gave it to another girl. I could go on and ON about how I messed up, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I learned and I’m learning. Even further, I’m taking responsibility for my part in why “we” never got a chance.
I basically friend zoned myself as she tried with all her might to pull me out. She treated me like I was the rain maker to get her out of a drought. She wanted me to be the ice cream that made her scream and shout. She was just too bright for me. It just wasn’t right for me. I lost my way and she tried to be light for me.
For awhile, I was upset with her. I was upset with her, I was upset with God, and I was upset with myself; but the emphasis was on HER and God. I knew that I wasn’t perfect and I wasn’t trying to be. And maybe, just maybe that was the problem. That was MY problem. I didn’t think she was worth the effort of trying to be perfect for.