Since the Daily Post prompt is ” is “Awe” I think this post is quite fitting. It’s about the moment in time that I realized things wouldn’t workout with this young lady and I. After a few months I realized how I didn’t always “play” things the right way and…I essentially just sat back in awe.
But I can’t be too upset. I would notice whenever she walked in the room, but I didn’t acknowledge her as she did with me. I remember the time she ran to me as I walked in the room. She was so excited to see me and she let not only me, but everybody in the room know it. But I just couldn’t match her energy; I didn’t match her energy.
I didn’t catch her when she fell and even worse, I didn’t help her back to her feet. I didn’t walk her to her car whenever we were out late. I didn’t take full advantage of the “us” moments she tried to create. I didn’t grab her butt when she wanted me to. I didn’t hold her hand long enough. I didn’t hold HER long enough. Whenever she pushed away I just let her go. I didn’t pull her back in and I didn’t resist.
I didn’t give her my jacket when she was cold. And even worse, I gave it to another girl. I could go on and ON about how I messed up, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I learned and I’m learning. Even further, I’m taking responsibility for my part in why “we” never got a chance.
I basically friend zoned myself as she tried with all her might to pull me out. She treated me like I was the rain maker to get her out of a drought. She wanted me to be the ice cream that made her scream and shout. She was just too bright for me. It just wasn’t right for me. I lost my way and she tried to be light for me.
For awhile, I was upset with her. I was upset with her, I was upset with God, and I was upset with myself; but the emphasis was on HER and God. I knew that I wasn’t perfect and I wasn’t trying to be. And maybe, just maybe that was the problem. That was MY problem. I didn’t think she was worth the effort of trying to be perfect for.
For more insight, see Conversations With Myself (Parts one and two).
That’s something deep man. You gave her all the signs she needed to let go but too bad she wanted it to work.
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Eh…we both had our parts in the catastrophe. This was just me owning parts that I failed to see at the time.
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