Conversations With Myself (Part 1)

Tic tic. Tic toc. Another minute runs off the clock. Tic toc. Tic tic. Another minute that your phone is waiting to be unlocked. Another minute that text is waiting to be clicked.

Chris, why oh WHY did you send that risky text? I’m SO glad you stopped holding your breath, because you were waiting for HOURS to get a response. As a matter of fact, YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOUR HOURS FOR A RESPONSE!!!!!! Don’t open it! It’s a trap!!!!!!

I received the response last night and I still haven’t opened it. I’ve been reveling in thinking about her and what it says. Is this the time where she confesses her undeniable feelings for me? Am I gona get all of her love? Is she gona be really pissed that I didn’t respond? Or is the fact that I didn’t respond not gona bother her (which leaves even more concern for me)?

What if it’s a one-word response? She’s NOTORIOUS for not answering your calls and text! Why would she choose to confess her feelings now? Are you stupid???? What if she says yal need to just call it quits? Are you ready to handle that? What if she spits in your face by blowing it over and claiming that you’re being “dra-ma-tic”? What if she’s confused, because she doesn’t feel the rift in our relationship? Why oh why oh WHY did you send that text Chris?

I sent it, because well…it was the only way I thought that I’d be in her thoughts. You see, the difference between me and her is that…it doesn’t take a tornado flying around my room in order for me to be thinking about her. She isn’t my reason for breathing, but I DO only think of her on two occasions. I think about her way more than I should and it scares me. She’s afraid of spiders, so whenever I have a run-in with one, I think of her. We used to have these insiders about Girl Scout Cookies, so it’s tough to not be thinking of her whenever I bite into a Samoa. Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of her. Why did you send that text Chris?

I sent it, because I’m unhappy with the status-quo. I’ve known her for a year and three months, but I stopped getting to know her a few months ago. I hardly see her and whenever I do, it’s awkward. Either awkward, because I don’t know what to say or because I get distracted by her beauty so easily. She is beautiful. She is my chocolate high and now I know what it feels like to be elevated. But at the same time, I don’t know what to talk about, because I don’t trust her anymore. I don’t trust her with my dreams, I don’t trust her with my feelings, and I barely trust her to smile back if I smile at her. I don’t trust her smile, because it’s seductive; that girl is poison. And no matter how soft that butt is, I’ve GOT to listen to Johnny when he says NEVER trust a big butt and a smile.

Chris, why did you send that text? Why are you going thru all of this over a number that you never asked for? You didn’t even ask to be in this situation! And now it feels like you’re losing something that you never had and that’s arguably what hurts the most. So go on about your day. Thanks for opening up to me. Now go open that text.

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