Category Archives: Short Story

Mologue of A Mathematician

It’s funny. As an expert in the area of mathematics, I can honestly say I eat, sleep, and live a life of numbers.

I had a dream last night that I was in a math class. It was just your typical Algebra course. The only thing that wasn’t typical was that the teacher was Black. And even further, he was a Black man that couldn’t control his class. It was mainly just two students though.

In my dream, they were ruining things for everybody. Because of them, the teacher ended up giving out a pop quiz. I saw some familiar faces in my dream and they were saying, “Chris, you’re gona take this, aren’t you? You’re not even in this class!” They knew that I would throw off their curve. Ironically enough, I actually did throw off their curve. I got a 100% and the next closest grade was an 82%.

The next class I came in late, because I was trying to decide whether or not I would even go. The teacher had already passed out the graded quizzes and asked me if I was Christopher Raglon. I’m assuming that he knew that, because he only had one paper left. Then he announced two things. First, he congratulated me on getting the top score in the class. Second, he announced that I wasn’t on his roll. Then he inquired of me as to whether or not that was a mistake. I told him no. Then I requested that he allow me to have 2 minutes of his class time. After that, I made my 2-minute address to the class.

For those of you who don’t know me, I feel confident saying that you will get to soon. My name is Christopher Raglon and as your teacher stated, I got the highest score on this pop quiz. Keep in mind that I did this and today is only my second day in this class. I noticed that there are two class clowns that seem to get yal into a lot of these pop quizzes. Well, I’m willing to counteract that action. As your teacher also stated, I’m not on his roll. He probably noticed when he tried to enter my grade. This is no mistake. I’m not on his roll, because I’m not enrolled in this class. I’m a math tutor. Now, don’t worry. I’m sure that your teacher will be willing to give yal the appropriate curve for this quiz. I’m here to let yal know that help is available. I charge fair prices and if you would like to request my services, I’ll be outside for awhile, after class. I’m willing to work with anybody, but the two class clowns.

Then I wrote my Twitter name (@TooDeepNot2Deep) on the drawing board, hung my perfect score quiz on the drawing board, and walked out.

Advertisements

I’m SO EXCITED and I Just Can’t Hide It!

I’ve got my eyes on food! Food’s everything that I see! I want a cup, plate, and a napkin in front of me! I can’t get over food! Just bring me something to eat! I want a cup, plate, and a napkin in front of me!

Okay. Okay. I was excited yal. I just came from the Doctor’s office and I got some blood work done. For those of you that are not familiar with getting your blood tested, that effectively means you can’t eat for a few hours (and by a few hours I mean 12 to 24 hours).

I was FAMISHED! I hadn’t eaten since about 10 last night and my appointment was at 3:30 p.m. I was irritable and impatient with people in traffic (even more than usual), my mouth would stay dry, and I was lackadaisical. I sang to my food you guys! I was in my car like “As sooooon as I get hoooome!” I’m excited! I’m excited! I’M EXCITED!!!!!

Okay, gotta go. See ya.

NOT How I Wanted To Start My Day

As I was backing out of the driveway, this cop passed me by. After I got a little way down the road, I looked in my mirror and saw the cop turning around. Did I panic, no? Fast-forward five seconds later and there were six police cars down the street. SIX!!!!! And they were all split on both sides of the street!

Now THIS made me nervous!!!!! Some of them were out of their cars and they started walking in the middle of the road as I pulled up.

What happened? Surprisingly nothing. Nothing at all. I guess every run in with the police doesn’t have to be bad. BUT sometimes you won’t have any woes to ride thru the SIX with.

Make it a great day people.

Nothing Or No Thing?

The Daily Post Challenge is “Empty“. I thought this would be a GREAT opportunity to reflect back on the time that I gave an “empty” present.

I remember the year that I gave my girl nothing for Valentine’s Day. Fellas, you HAVE to be MEMORABLE!!!!!! I guarantee she will NEVER forget me OR the day she got NOTHING for Valentine’s Day. I dressed up nothing so nice that she thought it was something. And on top of EVERYTHING, I gave her EXACTLY what she asked for.

What I did was put a jar in her apartment in a random spot that she wouldn’t notice. You know, something that she would just pass by everyday and think nothing of it. Keep that in mind. She was looking for her gift at my place one day and I told her that I already hid it over at her place.

She had been looking and looking and looking all that week, but she couldn’t find it. Finally, Valentine’s Day came around. She called me over IMMEDIATELY! Like…as soon as the clock struck 12 a.m. I went over her place, but I told her I wasn’t coming in. Then she grabbed my hand, held it with determination, and told me exactly what I was going to do. She closed the door and was IMMEDIATELY like “Where’s my gift?” I chastised her a bit and said, “You didn’t find it?” Then in a VERY demanding fashion she said, “WHERE IS IT????” I ended up saying to her “Welp…you’re going to have to wait til’ morning.” And of course, she started pouting and she turned a movie on.

Fast-Forward to the morning and she wakes me up shaking me. “Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?” I was like “It’s over there!” She jumps up QUICK and goes in the direction I pointed. “Tell me if I’m getting closer!” Eventually after a few “heat” checks, she finally got it. SHE FINALLY GOT IT!!!!!!!

Remember the jar on her counter that I discussed earlier? Well, I had it turned around so she couldn’t see the label. When she picked it up, she kicked me out. The label on the jar had “NOTHING” written in all caps on it.

Don’t Let The Bedbugs Bite

I can’t help but laugh. Can I tell yal a story about this bug that flew in my room? I kept hearing this noise, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I started hearing the noise more clearly and it sounded like it was coming from behind my head (there was a window behind my head). I started getting the feeling that it was a bee, so I went to get some bee spray.

I came back in my room and I could see it. FORTUNATELY it wasn’t a bee, BUT…unfortunately I went to spray the bug and THE SPRAY CAN WAS JAMMED!!!!!!! Did I panic? No. I went to get a paper towel from my bathroom. Ok, well…maybe I went and got more than one paper towel (BUT that’s neither here nor there). FORTUNATELY, the bug was still in the same spot when I got back. And it only took me two swipes to get it!

The first time I missed and it landed on my pillow.

image

I’m not going to lie to yal; I might’ve screamed a little bit. But ooooh that second time! That second time I was triumphant! I had a triumphant moment!

image

I was like “ME! BY MYSELF!!!!!!!!” It would’ve been nice to have someone like her to come celebrate my triumphant moment with me, but ehhh dreams don’t always come true.

image

And that’s my story of the night. Hope yal enjoyed your bedtime story.

All photos, links, and videos used are not my own. I take absolutely POSITIVELY no credit for them or their original thoughts.

The Service Is To DIE For!

Sigh I just got THE WORST SERVICE at Chili’s in Cedar Hill!!!!!!!!!!

So my mom reeeeeally wanted to go out to eat and she reeeeeeeeally didn’t want to go by herself. SHE KEPT ASKING ME WHAT I WANTED TO EAT!!!!!! Quite honestly, we didn’t ride to my sister’s graduation together and we drove two seperate cars. Oh yea, AND my sister drove her own car too. My sister went out to eat with her friends and guess what I did! I. Went. Home. I thought that my choice was preeeeetty darn clear. I planned on finding something to eat at home.

Anywho, she just kept passively bugging me about it, so…I went. Of course, those who have been around me know that every time my mom asked me what I wanted to eat, I found a new way to say “I don’t care.” By the time that we got in the car, the answer was something like “I don’t know how much more clearly I can put this. I don’t care. Surprise me. I am openly and willingly deferring my right to have a say in where we eat tonight.” And she was like “I don’t know what I want to eat.” And I was like “Well, that definitely defeats the purpose of us being out here.” She knoooows that she didn’t want me to pick. Because IF IT WAS UP TO ME, anybody who has been around ME knows that I would have just said Panda Express and called it a night. BUT…she finally chose Chili’s.

We walked into the Chili’s in Cedar Hill. We stood there for like 5 minutes and I started to question my own existence. I thought that maybe my fat body was invisible. Then the HOEstess FINALLY acknowledged our presence, BUT I don’t think that she acknowledged that we were customers (if that makes sense). That HOE…stess was all dry and came up to the front speaking REAL quiet as if she was in kindergarten giving a presentation in front of the class! And the bad part was that Chili’s wasn’t even crowded. Did I mention that already? They WERE NOT CROWDED! She ended up taking our name, but after 2 more minutes, we just left.

Step 2: (I’m almost done…kinda) We went to the International Household of Pancakes located in Cedar Hill. WE GOT THE SAAAAAAME SERVICE!!!!!! I. Was. Hysterical. I just accepted the fact that I must not really be where I think that I am. It was craaaaay! Ok, let’s back track a bit for a second. It was funny, because I opened the door for my mom and this couple that walked in. IHOP in Cedar Hill has two sets of doors. My mom waited for the other door to be opened for her. The girl knew what she was waiting for, but…I don’t think the guy did. We went through an awkward pause and then the girl said, “I think she’s waiting for the door.” Looks at her boyfriend Now I don’t know if he just didn’t want to open the door for my mom or what, but uhhhh I think homegirl need to find a new man if he don’t open the door for her. Another sidenote. Why does every female claim to be Independent until there’s a door that needs to be opened???

Anyhow, we get in IHOP and AT LEAST after an ALMOST 5 minute waiting period, the manager comes out and says to us “One moment please. I’m cleaning a table for you.” At least he noticed (in less time than that HOE…stess at Chili’s) that we were indeed NOT invisible. The funny part is that I had to convince myself of that while explaining the Chili’s situation to the girl that walked in with us. She was perturbed with the situation as well.

Let’s fast-foward to us getting our food now. We got our food and it was cold. My mom got them to get her more pancakes, but it was such a sketch night and I really didn’t want them spitting in my food (although it’s neither here nor there that they hadn’t already done so). So I just took my cold waffles, my cold eggs, and my sketch bacon and ate it all. WE HAD TO FIGHT TO GET THE BROAD ATTENTION JUST TO BRING US SOME SYRUP!!!!!!!! Oh yea, also we only got one drink from start to finish. Drake voice No refill! No refill! No refill! No No NO!

Despite ALLLLLL of this, my mom still left a tip. It was like $2. That upset me. Waiters make $2.13 an hour! Do you REALLY feel that she earned an extra hours worth of wages????

People often ask me why (as a young person) I don’t support a $15 an hour minimum wage and this is the story I usually tell them.

Drifting

I didn’t go to my home congregation this morning. Nope. The Lord guided me to Beckley Heights Church of Christ. He guided me there to hear a sermon tailored just for me. This morning, the sermon was about drifting. Drifting is struggle soup to the struggling Christian’s soul. The primary text was Hebrews 2:1. The thing about drifting is that when you drift, it’s not done overnight; it’s done in a slow and unforced manner. And drifting starts when you grow complacent. You see, you THINK that everything is good and you’re in the same place, but after awhile you start to notice that you are so far from where you once were.

I’ve been drifting for a good minute now and I need to change my course. Complacency will overcome the redeemed. God never grows complacent. He didn’t stop on that 7th day and say “Ok, I’m finished.” No. God stays active, so that things will stay in order.

The Word of the afternoon ladies and gentlemen.