Cuffing Season Prayer

Lord forgive me, but sometimes I get the urge to look through your creations and find a Ms. RightForNow. Not a Mrs. Raglon; but just a Ms. RightForNow. I’ve been single for awhile now, and I just think that it might be good for me for the time being. Lord, I really just want somebody to have and to hold. Not through sickness and in health, not for better or for worst, and DEFINITELY not til death do us part. Just to have and to hold, because as you know my last relationship wasn’t til death do us part. It was more like til depth do us part, because the chick just wasn’t that deep.

Lord, I don’t want to give her the wrong impression, but we’re not talking, we’re just texting. And I hope this don’t sound like I’m flexing, but we’re not talking, we’re just texting.

It’d be nice to have somebody who is girlfriend material, but then again, I want someone who says “Thank you” when I open the door for them. Have yal ever noticed how happy a sidechick gets when the guy she is with NOT only takes her out in public, but even opens the door for her??? The look on her face is PRICELESS! She’ll go ALL OUT to make a big deal out of it and be all loud like “Ohhh you SHOULDN’T have!” The dude be beating his chest and acting like he did something as major as she made it out to be. The girls in the background be like “Uh, calm down boo boo! He just opened the door for you. They don’t have no award for that.”

This situation kind of brings me to another point. Why do guys take their sidechicks out? Well, it’s because the typical sidechick can’t cook. I know it’s some females out there that really think that tuna is the name of a type of fish. They might be efficient in fixing a sandwich or burning hot water, but other than that they really can’t cook; which is why I might need a girlfriend, cause as yal can see, I likes to eat. But then again, Lord I want somebody that I can grow with, not somebody that’ll grow complacent with me. Girlfriends do tend to get comfortable in the title and the whole being “the girlfriend” experience.

So maybe I need a sidechick. Because when you actually have a conversation with your sidechick, she’s ALWAYS supportive! Like NOTHING is a bad idea to your sidechick! She is your “Yes” person. If you want to hear somebody say “Yes”, go to your sidechick! Primarily, because she knows if yal have a fight, she’s gona get kicked off the team faster than Chris Brown in Stomp The Yard. The beauty of sidechicks is that they don’t have an opinion unless you give them one. And I don’t know about yal, but I’m not in the business of giving thoughts to thots. That’s my thought on thots. But then again, maybe that’s why I need a girlfriend. So I can have somebody to differentiate between my stupid thoughts and my well-thought out ideological theories. Then again…you don’t have to hear that phrase “We need to talk” too often from a sidechick! A sidechick don’t get caught up and feel like they have the right to tell you about yourself!

You know what God, I don’t know. Right now, do I need the upgrade like Beyoncè? Do I need the Barbie type like Nicki Minaj? Do I need the fine white girl that’s a showstopper type like Aubrey from Danity Kane? Do I need a motivation like Kelly Rowland? Do I need the cheerleader of my dreams that only seems to date the head of football teams like Keri Hilson? I just pray that you don’t send me a bad girl like Rihanna, because that is ONE DUMB BRAWD. SOMEBODY needs to let that chick know that diamonds don’t shine; they reflect! Also, I pray that she be sober. Because telling a drunk female to calm down is like trying to baptize a chicken.

I pray that she comes sooner than later. Because on the right day and if it’s the right girl, you might catch me walking around campus like “If this girl were mine….” But Lord, You know me better than I know myself. I just know that You said “Ask and it shall be given to you. Seek and ye shall find.” So I’m asking for You to send me somebody that can handle my sarcastic ways. Because I can be QUITE sarcastic. Can I get an amen? I’m asking You to send me somebody who will laugh at my jokes. Like, if I walk on stage at Poetic Justice and say “If Michael Jackson was on a rollercoaster, would you call it a thriller?” she has to be right there with me. I’m asking You for a girl like Kolbi Dixon. Somebody to push me. After I told Kolbi that I got a 43/50 on a test, she told me that I could’ve gotten a 51/50 if I would’ve applied myself. Now, I don’t know if she knew, but it really was possible for me to get a 51/50 on a 50/50 exam. But she’s a female. Females know everything, right? I’m asking you to send me a girl that’ll have me getting on the cypher at Poetic Justice spitting something like “Big Dude Making Big Moves hopping on the mic! Like T.I said, you can have what you like! Oops did I say that? I really meant phyche! Girl I’m a college student, you can ride on my bike!”

I’m asking all of this, because Lord, You know that I easily get attached and put both energy and effort into the things that I’m a part of. I’m passionate. If things go bad I might be walking around my house like “A chair is still a chair….” or even “When a good thing goes bad, it’s not the end of the world. It’s just the end of a world, that you had with one girl. And she’s the reason it happened, cause she’s overreacting. And it’s all because she don’t want things to change.” I’d rather her hit me up to say “Hey I’m alone, can you come walk me home?”, than hit me up to say “Hey I’m alone, bae pick up the phone.” Overall, I just don’t won’t a b.a.e or a d.a.b. I want somebody I can call my baby. Even further, I don’t even just want to be able to say “There goes my baby“. I want to be able to say “There goes my lady”.

But You know what Lord? I realize that Adam went to sleep, woke up, and he had a bae. So maybe I need to take a nap.

Conversations With Myself (Part 2)

“No sir you haven’t.”

That was her response and she added a smiling-laugh face. I honestly don’t know what to think about it. On the surface, I thought to myself “CHRIS! You haven’t messed up yet!!!!!” However, as I thought more into it, she could’ve been sarcastic, she could’ve been amused, and she didn’t offer an explanation. So it could very well mean that she’s done with me. Was it her way of saying I’m being “dra-ma-tic”? Did it really just mean “No. We’re good.”? Did she think it was cute that I showed concern?

I am scared. I’m scared out of my mind. It’d be different if I didn’t know her tendencies, but I KNOW that if she cares, she usually goes into detail. She didn’t even ask why I felt this way. She didn’t let me know if she felt the distance too. Keep in mind that…this is the same girl that asked if she got two Red Box movies, would I consider them to be Red Box or Red Boxes? She believes in detail! This is the same girl that MADE SURE to LET YOU KNOW that she waited a month, before she gave you her new number. If she wanted you in her thoughts, she’d let you know.

It’s funny. I’m just thinking that…Chris, you were ready to react no matter what she said. Chris, go on about your day. For once, let her text YOU. Don’t respond. DON’T RESPOND!!!!! If she’s thinking about you, she’ll text you and ask how you’re feeling. If she doesn’t, then move on! Move on and believe that God has someONE better for you or someTHING better for you to do. After all these years, Lavincia is STILL right. You get caught up on things that you should be passed. It’s a new week! Let it go. One way or another, trust Delvanique to make the next move.

Check out part one of this conversation!

Wrong End of A Love Song

Since the Daily Post prompt is ” is “Awe” I think this post is quite fitting. It’s about the moment in time that I realized things wouldn’t workout with this young lady and I. After a few months I realized how I didn’t always “play” things the right way and…I essentially just sat back in awe.

But I can’t be too upset. I would notice whenever she walked in the room, but I didn’t acknowledge her as she did with me. I remember the time she ran to me as I walked in the room. She was so excited to see me and she let not only me, but everybody in the room know it. But I just couldn’t match her energy; I didn’t match her energy.

I didn’t catch her when she fell and even worse, I didn’t help her back to her feet. I didn’t walk her to her car whenever we were out late. I didn’t take full advantage of the “us” moments she tried to create. I didn’t grab her butt when she wanted me to. I didn’t hold her hand long enough. I didn’t hold HER long enough. Whenever she pushed away I just let her go. I didn’t pull her back in and I didn’t resist.

I didn’t give her my jacket when she was cold. And even worse, I gave it to another girl. I could go on and ON about how I messed up, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I learned and I’m learning. Even further, I’m taking responsibility for my part in why “we” never got a chance.

I basically friend zoned myself as she tried with all her might to pull me out. She treated me like I was the rain maker to get her out of a drought. She wanted me to be the ice cream that made her scream and shout. She was just too bright for me. It just wasn’t right for me. I lost my way and she tried to be light for me.

For awhile, I was upset with her. I was upset with her, I was upset with God, and I was upset with myself; but the emphasis was on HER and God. I knew that I wasn’t perfect and I wasn’t trying to be. And maybe, just maybe that was the problem. That was MY problem. I didn’t think she was worth the effort of trying to be perfect for.

For more insight, see Conversations With Myself (Parts one and two).

The Service Is To DIE For!

Sigh I just got THE WORST SERVICE at Chili’s in Cedar Hill!!!!!!!!!!

So my mom reeeeeally wanted to go out to eat and she reeeeeeeeally didn’t want to go by herself. SHE KEPT ASKING ME WHAT I WANTED TO EAT!!!!!! Quite honestly, we didn’t ride to my sister’s graduation together and we drove two seperate cars. Oh yea, AND my sister drove her own car too. My sister went out to eat with her friends and guess what I did! I. Went. Home. I thought that my choice was preeeeetty darn clear. I planned on finding something to eat at home.

Anywho, she just kept passively bugging me about it, so…I went. Of course, those who have been around me know that every time my mom asked me what I wanted to eat, I found a new way to say “I don’t care.” By the time that we got in the car, the answer was something like “I don’t know how much more clearly I can put this. I don’t care. Surprise me. I am openly and willingly deferring my right to have a say in where we eat tonight.” And she was like “I don’t know what I want to eat.” And I was like “Well, that definitely defeats the purpose of us being out here.” She knoooows that she didn’t want me to pick. Because IF IT WAS UP TO ME, anybody who has been around ME knows that I would have just said Panda Express and called it a night. BUT…she finally chose Chili’s.

We walked into the Chili’s in Cedar Hill. We stood there for like 5 minutes and I started to question my own existence. I thought that maybe my fat body was invisible. Then the HOEstess FINALLY acknowledged our presence, BUT I don’t think that she acknowledged that we were customers (if that makes sense). That HOE…stess was all dry and came up to the front speaking REAL quiet as if she was in kindergarten giving a presentation in front of the class! And the bad part was that Chili’s wasn’t even crowded. Did I mention that already? They WERE NOT CROWDED! She ended up taking our name, but after 2 more minutes, we just left.

Step 2: (I’m almost done…kinda) We went to the International Household of Pancakes located in Cedar Hill. WE GOT THE SAAAAAAME SERVICE!!!!!! I. Was. Hysterical. I just accepted the fact that I must not really be where I think that I am. It was craaaaay! Ok, let’s back track a bit for a second. It was funny, because I opened the door for my mom and this couple that walked in. IHOP in Cedar Hill has two sets of doors. My mom waited for the other door to be opened for her. The girl knew what she was waiting for, but…I don’t think the guy did. We went through an awkward pause and then the girl said, “I think she’s waiting for the door.” Looks at her boyfriend Now I don’t know if he just didn’t want to open the door for my mom or what, but uhhhh I think homegirl need to find a new man if he don’t open the door for her. Another sidenote. Why does every female claim to be Independent until there’s a door that needs to be opened???

Anyhow, we get in IHOP and AT LEAST after an ALMOST 5 minute waiting period, the manager comes out and says to us “One moment please. I’m cleaning a table for you.” At least he noticed (in less time than that HOE…stess at Chili’s) that we were indeed NOT invisible. The funny part is that I had to convince myself of that while explaining the Chili’s situation to the girl that walked in with us. She was perturbed with the situation as well.

Let’s fast-foward to us getting our food now. We got our food and it was cold. My mom got them to get her more pancakes, but it was such a sketch night and I really didn’t want them spitting in my food (although it’s neither here nor there that they hadn’t already done so). So I just took my cold waffles, my cold eggs, and my sketch bacon and ate it all. WE HAD TO FIGHT TO GET THE BROAD ATTENTION JUST TO BRING US SOME SYRUP!!!!!!!! Oh yea, also we only got one drink from start to finish. Drake voice No refill! No refill! No refill! No No NO!

Despite ALLLLLL of this, my mom still left a tip. It was like $2. That upset me. Waiters make $2.13 an hour! Do you REALLY feel that she earned an extra hours worth of wages????

People often ask me why (as a young person) I don’t support a $15 an hour minimum wage and this is the story I usually tell them.