Tag Archives: Poetry

Mologue of A Mathematician

It’s funny. As an expert in the area of mathematics, I can honestly say I eat, sleep, and live a life of numbers.

I had a dream last night that I was in a math class. It was just your typical Algebra course. The only thing that wasn’t typical was that the teacher was Black. And even further, he was a Black man that couldn’t control his class. It was mainly just two students though.

In my dream, they were ruining things for everybody. Because of them, the teacher ended up giving out a pop quiz. I saw some familiar faces in my dream and they were saying, “Chris, you’re gona take this, aren’t you? You’re not even in this class!” They knew that I would throw off their curve. Ironically enough, I actually did throw off their curve. I got a 100% and the next closest grade was an 82%.

The next class I came in late, because I was trying to decide whether or not I would even go. The teacher had already passed out the graded quizzes and asked me if I was Christopher Raglon. I’m assuming that he knew that, because he only had one paper left. Then he announced two things. First, he congratulated me on getting the top score in the class. Second, he announced that I wasn’t on his roll. Then he inquired of me as to whether or not that was a mistake. I told him no. Then I requested that he allow me to have 2 minutes of his class time. After that, I made my 2-minute address to the class.

For those of you who don’t know me, I feel confident saying that you will get to soon. My name is Christopher Raglon and as your teacher stated, I got the highest score on this pop quiz. Keep in mind that I did this and today is only my second day in this class. I noticed that there are two class clowns that seem to get yal into a lot of these pop quizzes. Well, I’m willing to counteract that action. As your teacher also stated, I’m not on his roll. He probably noticed when he tried to enter my grade. This is no mistake. I’m not on his roll, because I’m not enrolled in this class. I’m a math tutor. Now, don’t worry. I’m sure that your teacher will be willing to give yal the appropriate curve for this quiz. I’m here to let yal know that help is available. I charge fair prices and if you would like to request my services, I’ll be outside for awhile, after class. I’m willing to work with anybody, but the two class clowns.

Then I wrote my Twitter name (@TooDeepNot2Deep) on the drawing board, hung my perfect score quiz on the drawing board, and walked out.

Love Birds

This bird couple made a nest under the roofing of the patio outside. I thought I’d share this, because it’s cute.

The mommy bird has been nursing the eggs and keeping them warm for a couple of weeks. I see the daddy bird their often, but it’s mostly just the mommy bird. I guess he’s out there doing whatever birds do for…birdy work. Anywho, I saw him cuddling with her one day while I had the tv on and they looked like they were watching with me. It was crazy, because in my mind the daddy bird took the mommy bird on a date. In my mind, this is what went down.

Babe. Babe…baby!

What?

Let’s go on a date.

What?

Let’s go on a date!

Now you know we’ve gotta watch these kids. They bout to hatch boy!

I know. I know. But we can just leave them for a little while! I promise we’ll be back in time to see them hatch. We won’t even go too far!

Well…okay. If you promise we’re not going to go far. Let me go ruffle my feathers right quick.

Nah, no time. Just follow me NOW!

And after that daddy bird led mama bird over to the ceiling fan on the patio. It was in a bird’s eye view of their nest and only a flight away. After daddy bird landed on one wing of the fan, mama bird got on the one across from his. Then daddy bird got off of his and started winding the fan in a circle, quite similar to the way we would push the mary-go-round when we were kids. After daddy bird got the fan going, he jumped on next to mama bird and let the wind keep it going. They just spinned around and around and around. She snuggled up close to him and they looked like they had the BEST DATE EVER!

That’s the end of the story. I just thought that I’d share this with yal. They started watching Boy Meets World with me.

Guys Just Don’t Understand

Sigh I really do think females just don’t get that WE DON’T GET IT!!!!!!! What really got me thinking about this is a situation that happened with this young lady that I like(d) a few days ago.

She started off trying to prep me into her talkativeness. “Chris, I’m about to ask you FOUR QUESTIONS, but it’s going to sound like I’m asking you the same thing.” So here I am mentally preparing for…whatever that meant. Keep in mind that this occurred at around 9 in the morning ON A SATURDAY. I had just had some coffee and I was bouncing up and down like the dudes on Street Fighter when you aren’t pressing any buttons.

She started off with “Have you seen ______?” You know what I said? YES. I hit a Kevin Hart and was like “Yes. I. Did.” Do you know what happened after that? There was a pause and an unpleased facial expression. THEN she got snippy with me and said, “I just asked you if you’ve seen _____. If I ask you if you’ve seen them, you’re supposed to automatically tell me where they are, if you know where they are.” Now…in my mind, after I answered the question I was like “YES! ONE DOWN! Next question.” She obviously didn’t mention that her questions would have follow-up questions that wouldn’t count towards the four original questions. How was I to know that her questions would have a 1:A and 1:B? How was I to know that she expected me to answer questions that she didn’t plan on asking? HOW _____? HOW???

Anywho, after she got snippy with me, I hustled her out of asking me the other three; but I don’t think she realized it. Moral of the story is…that guys (apparently) really don’t get it.

Story Time

It was funny, because the other day, I went to this “almost” event (an event that was supposed to happen but never happened), and I couldn’t get in at first. This lady comes to the door and I started to walk away. She opened the door and was like “Were you trying to get in? Why’d you walk off?”

I was like “Yes, but I know I’m a big guy and I saw you by yourself; I didn’t want you to feel intimidated.” Keep in mind that we were in a bad neighborhood. She responded by saying, “Baby, I’m a Police Officer, I think I’ll be alright.” Now…obviously, she was NOT in uniform. But the funny part was the shirt I had. You see, I had this shirt in my hand that I was going to change into, and it said, “If You See The Police Warn A Brotha”. I thought at first she might’ve been joking, but then I saw a police officer roll up. Then she was like “Plus, there’s my backup.”

And that was my laugh of the day. She had no idea why I was laughing so hard.